


Not by choice

by SWModdy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, FallenObiWan, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-09 18:14:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10418193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SWModdy/pseuds/SWModdy
Summary: Involved in a dark ritual Count Dooku has found from a civilization so far back even Yoda does not recognize the language, Obi-Wan finds what is on the other side of the Light side of the Force.





	1. Bleed out

Somehow, he wanted to blame Obi-Wan, Cody and the entire council but couldn’t bring himself to.

He knew that it wasn’t anyone’s fault really. Well anyone but Ventress and Dooku that was.

Obi-Wan had a case of bad luck. A bad week honestly that had started with burning his mouth on his own teacup and ended up with being captured by Ventress and dragged of to a temple that reeked of darkness yet Windu said was not sith in origin.

Anakin could feel the agitation underneath his skin when they finally found them, Obi-Wan kneeling in the middle of a room with symbols carved into the floor with his hands cuffed together. Yet there was fresh blood that highlighted it, whose Anakin didn’t know as Obi-Wan looked uninjured except for a large bruise peeking up from below his half open tunic across his collarbone and up his shoulders and the way the gag cut into the sides of his mouth.

Yet they couldn’t reach Obi-Wan, even when Dooku and his minions noticed them, they couldn’t reach them because of the ray shields in place.

“It makes no difference Ventress, we have our escape route.” Dooku dismissed them even as Anakin’s lightsaber hit at the ray shie lds.

“What the kriff are you even doing?” Anakin snarled as Mace started to quietly give orders to the troopers.

“Did you know that the ancient Force users used to fight wars with weapons made of the Force?” Dooku offered in return. “No, of course you wouldn’t Skywalker. What people see in you I don’t understand, you’re powerful but unrefined but there are ways to become as powerful as you. Ways that require…sacrifices.”

A chill ran up Anakin’s back at that and he glanced quickly at his former master and then at the symbols on the floor. “No…” He whispered even as Mace hand came down on his shoulder, holding him back.

“Its a pity you wouldn’t join me Kenobi. You would have been magnificent.” Dooku offered mournfully at the kneeling man in the middle of the symbols before he nodded to Ventress.

The woman drew a knife of her belt, walking through the symbols without smudging them out and grasping Obi-Wan by his hair. Anakin felt his breath stutter as green eyes meet his, the green curving up into an understanding smile, the ‘I know you tried, its alright, you did your best padawan.’ smile that the blond remembered from his teenage years.

And then Obi-Wan squinted as his head was drawn back as far as it could go to expose his pale throat.

“No…” Anakin was moving forward despite Mace holding onto his arm as the knife rested against the fragile skin.

And then Ventress pulled.

There was a roar in Anakin’s ears as Obi-Wan’s eyes went wide and blood poured out from the slit throat of the man, staining his tunic in deep red in seconds as it gushed out. The Jedi master was gasping for as air as the gag in his mouth also turned red and somewhere in the back of Anakin’s mind the words slitted windpipe echoed. Obi-Wan was gagging, choking on his own blood.

And when she let go of Obi-Wan the man fell over, his blood pouring out into the symbols slowly and steadily as he gave one last twitch then stilled against the cold floor.

Anakin couldn’t move, could feel a hand on his shoulder and one on his hand, holding him back but he couldn’t move as he stared at the fallen shape of his master. “Get up…get up…” He whispered, feeling the hand on his hand tighten. It felt smaller then his. Ahsoka…

“Well?” Dooku’s voice seemed to echo against the rage in Anakin’s chest, the dragon in his veins rising sharply, roaring as he slowly turned his eyes from the stilled shape of the copper haired man to the old man.

“Well what? I told you, it might not work.” She snorted quietly. “The symbols were drawn as required.”

They were talking as if they hadn’t just cut out the limbs from beneath Anakin.

He would acted if suddenly darkness hadn’t convened on all of them so heavily even the clones, Force blind as they were, could feel it choking out the light around them. Even Ventress and Dooku suddenly looked unnerved.

“What kind of weapon were you about to summon?” Mace growled, feeling many shatterpoints suddenly cease to exist and new ones being created.

The older man my have answered if not for Obi-Wan suddenly twitching. And then he rose, as if an invisible force pulled him back up by a grip on his neck. He was still bloody, still pale faced and his face was slack but…

The slit in his neck was gone.

The symbols around him started to glow faintly before there was a sharp hissing sound and steam rose from the blood. It made Anakin take a surprised step back despite already being far from the circle. And then he saw spidery symbols like the ones on the floor close around Obi-Wan’s hands, climb up his throat, over his face in deep red, glowing letters. Across his forehead, almost in the hairline, the glowing letters turned black and solid before the rest of them disappeared into Obi-Wan’s skin.

And Obi-Wan’s chest rose.

His eyelashes fluttered.

“Obi-Wan?” Anakin whispered through the oppressive darkness and strangeness, his voice strangled.

At the sound of his name, Obi-Wan’s eyes snapped open and meet Anakin’s with the deepest shade of amber, like light glittering through honey as he stared at him blankly before a profound kind of sadness entered them as much as rage.

“…When you try to make a weapon Count, its wise to make sure you can control it.” Obi-Wan offered almost quietly through the gag before he twitched, throwing both Dooku and Ventress against the ancient walls of the temple.

Ventress hit the wall with a sickening crack as her head hit the back of it and Obi-Wan glanced at her almost curiously before he glanced down at his still cuffed wrists. He gave his hands a little shake and they snapped open, falling of him before the copper haired man slowly stood, rubbing his wrists before removing the gag.

“Obi-Wan?” Anakin whispered, feeling the darkness recede slowly.

“Hmm? Anakin, I’m fine…or well as fine as I can be.” The copper haired…Jedi…sighed as he stepped out of the circle of now dried blood. “Though how fine that is considering the circumstances I don’t know.” He was still keeping the struggling Dooku and the passed out Ventress against the wall. “Mace, I will shut down the generator, do you have the means to bring the Count and Ventress in?”

“I…yes…Master Kenobi, are you alright?” The Korun rumbled.

“…No. I’m Fallen through no choice of my own and I’m struggling to control the rage that the Count was so kind to unleash inside of me. I feel like I’m burning and fighting with a snake twisting around inside of me.” None of that struggle showed on Obi-Wan’s face as he almost casually summoned the count’s lightsaber from him and put it through the generator.

The generator sparked in response and the rays faltered down.

Mace took the chance to go to the Count to cuff him while Anakin shot to his master’s side, resting his hands on the shorter mans shoulders as blue stared into startling deep amber eyes.

“…It seems my bad week is far from over Anakin.” The other gave a half smile and Anakin resisted the urge to shake him even as Ahsoka slowly moved up beside them, staring at Obi-Wan.

“Force fuck that, how do you feel Obi-Wan?”

“Like I said, as if I’m fighting a snake and burning at the same time. Its…hard to keep a leash on the rage inside me.” Obi-Wan took a deep breath then plucked at his bloody tunic. “I wonder what the Council is going to do with me…”

Those word ran cold down Anakin’s back.

What would they do with Obi-Wan.


	2. You are still Obi-Wan

Fingers absently brushed the scar in his neck as Obi-Wan stared out the window. Anakin watched the other man, trying not to stare at the scar, the letters on the others forehead or the amber eyes though it was hard not to notice.

‘He doesn’t feel that much different. Its still Obi-Wan.’ He marveled at it and worried about it at the same time before he reached out and touched the others shoulder. “How do you feel Obi-Wan?”

“Angry.” The other glanced at the blond then smiled a bit. “Its strange, I used to be an angry child and teen but not like this, never like this.” He took a deep breath through his nose then looked back at Coruscants skyline. “And as a knight and a master I always…kept a leash on it. I could meditate it away. Now? No, it runs unchecked through my veins and every time I try to release it into the Force, I’m stopped by something not of my making.” He frowned.

“I noticed that. On the ship on the way back. Every time you meditated there would be a few seconds of peace and then suddenly anger flashing through the Force…I think Windu noticed too.”

“I’m not surprised.” Obi-Wan sighed. “I can feel the pressure building inside of me, I’ll have to find a way to…blow it at some point.” He frowned and there was a smattering of anger in the Force before Obi-Wan dragged it firmly beneath his shields.

“…You keep broadcasting. I’ve never noticed you doing that before.” Anakin whispered. “Its really bizarre.”

“I know. My shields are usually better then my emotions. Now? Now its not…easy.” Obi-Wan covered his throat with his hand, covering the scar fully before his other hand brushed the letters on his forehead near the hairline, frowning a bit. “And then there’s these. I can’t tell what language they are at all, its like nothing I’ve seen, not even sith letters look like these.” He breathed out sharply. “My best chance now is that Dooku and Ventress tells us about this ritual they did to make me into a…weapon and how to reverse it since I can not purge it myself.”

Anakin nodded then turned to the doors when the council chambers opened for them. “Looks like its our turn…”

Obi-Wan nodded, following with his hands in his sleeves.

He stood by Anakin’s side as he stared at the council he had been a part of, wondering if he could ever sit on the seat again. That caused a fresh wave of anger inside him, aimed at Dooku and he quickly yanked it down, breathing steadily.

It had clearly been noticed though as several members shifted in their chairs.

“Well you are Master Kenobi?” Yoda questioned him.

“…As well as a man who died and was brought back could be.” Obi-Wan settled on, staring at the other. “I’m angry at all times and its getting harder to keep it under control and I do not know what to do about it since every time I try to meditate, I reach a block and get angry.” He shrugged. “I feel like I’m fighting a burning snake at all times.” Amber eyes focused on Yoda.

Yoda tilted his head and then gestured with one clawed hand.

Obi-Wan walked over to him obediently, kneeling down in front of the chair as Yoda leaned forward and rested his fingers on the letters on his forehead. “Recognize these I do, but older then me this language is.” The grandmaster of the order hummed, stroking them and frowning.

“Do you know what it is? Can it be found in the archives?” Obi-Wan clung to a small ray of hope.

“Know it I do not. Sorry I am for that Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan bit his lip hard then sat back on his heels as he stared at his linage masters master.

“But know where to find answers I do. Perhaps.”

Then there was hope. Obi-Wan closed his eyes before standing and returning to beside Anakin. There was hope he could return to normal, that his control could be given back.

()()()

The burning snake slithered through him as Obi-Wan stared at the window of his quarters that let in the light of Coruscant, hearing the door open and feeling the sensation of who had just stepped in.

There was a shift of a robe being hung up and then quiet steps before hands rested on his shoulders, squeezing gently. “Obi-Wan…”

“…I was wondering if you still wanted to know my name. You didn’t get close to me on the ship.” Amber eyes slowly looked up to stare at Mace above him, the Korun squeezing his shoulders carefully.

“Apologies Obi-Wan. I needed…time.”

“…Normally I’d understand but right now…”

“You’re not in full control.” Mace stepped around the couch and sat down beside him. And then he held his arms open to him. Obi-Wan swallowed before pushing close to him, resting his head on Mace collarbone as the other started caressing his hair and the nape of his neck.

“…Mace I’m scared. What will happen if this is how my life is now?” He whispered into the others dark tunic, breathing in the soothing smells of spice and tea. Suddenly all that was left was fear and sadness, not the burning anger that threatened to eat him.

“The Council will get answers from Dooku and Ventress. If they do not know then there is hope in the temple Yoda talked about. The black library.” Mace murmured, still stroking the others nape steadily.

“What if I can’t go back to normal?”

“Then I’ll be here Obi-Wan.” Mace tugged on the other until they could rest their forehead against each other, sharing the same breath as frightened amber stared into deep dark calm orbs. “I won’t abandon you.”


	3. Coping

With a scream that seemed to rattle invisible dust out of ceiling, Obi-Wan threw another sparring droid at the wall, sweat and blood rolling down his body beneath his tunic. The beige fabric was darkened by both moisture’s, the red peeking out vividly against the paleness.

Faintly, Obi-Wan was aware of Mace, Yoda, Ahsoka and Anakin in the room as he continued his onslaught against the droids, releasing rage into the Force as he did while they observed him. He wondered what he looked like and shame joined his anger, making him even more lethal as he moved through every saber motion, every pull of the Force his instinct demanded.

And then he had nothing left.

He slid to his knees, sabers extinguishing as Anakin turned off the droids.

A careful hand squeezed his shoulder before Mace knelt down in front of him, offering him a bottle of water. “Better?” The Korun murmured.

“Calmer at least.” Obi-Wan rasped out before taking several sips of the water, leaning into the hand. He looked up as Yoda came closer to him, the old master resting his claws against Obi-Wan’s forehead for a few moments before nodding. “Calmer.” He agreed before sighing. “Healing you now require.”

“I can handle that.” Mace offered calmly, helping Obi-Wan up as Anakin came over to them, the blond surveying the destroyed droids. “I can fix these, I’m sure. Perhaps get them a bit quicker on the defense if this is how we’re going to work your rage out Obi-Wan.” He offered confidently.

“That would be…appreciated Anakin. I’d rather not destroy them every time this…happens.” Obi-Wan leaned on Mace, feeling the other slip an arm around his waist to keep him upright. “Force I’m exhausted now. Is this how Sith’s always feel? I hope we can find some karking answers.” Obi-Wan sighed tiredly.

“Overusing the Force you are, working out the rage that is not natural to you. Straining your body you are.” Yoda crawled into his chair and then got it to hover up as Ahsoka handed Obi-Wan a clean towel.

Obi-Wan sent her a small smile that she nervously returned before he started to wipe his face slowly as he leaned into Mace side. “So I have to find a way to return to normal is what you’re saying, and soon. Any luck with Dooku and Ventress?”

“None so far.” Mace sighed, pulling the other closer to him.

“Great…so the black library is still our best chance then.” Obi-Wan grumbled. “If we can find it.”

“Difficult to find the black library is. Hopeful we are to locate it though.” Yoda offered as they started walking, heading out of the shielded sparring room while Anakin and Ahsoka settled to repair and improve the sparring droids.

Mace kept his grip around Obi-Wan’s waist. “If only it wasn’t located on a moving comet…”

“Well at least Darth Oolaga got his wish about the difficulty in locating it, building it on a karking moving comet that forever moved through space, its orbiting motions lost to history so no one is really sure where and when its suppose to pass next.” Obi-Wan offered sarcastically before sighing. “I am so tired of being angry.” He sulked.

Mace squeezed his hand on Obi-Wan’s waist and the redhead struggled against another emotions he could usually put a lid on.

He took a deep breath through his nose. “Just…please get me to my quarters so I can clean up.” He sighed.

“Of course Obi-Wan.” Mace murmured.

Quietly the trio passed through the halls, Jedi who passed them bowing quickly while glancing at Obi-Wan before hurrying away.

“…Does everyone know?”

“Yes. It was easier to be upfront about the situation. Especially you’re unwillingness to be like this. And our search for the cure. The educational and the exploration corps are both at our disposal, the latter has a holo copy of the letters on your forehead. I believe both are working closely to try and locate the library.” Mace sighed and Obi-Wan nodded mutely.

“Cure you we will. Get your state of mind and emotion back. Leave you like this the Jedi will NOT.” Yoda offered firmly.

It got a smile out of the copper haired man for a few moments. “Thank you master Yoda. That brings me some comfort in this…pit of darkness I’m in.” He sighed.

“Make tea I will, heal Obi-Wan you shall.” Yoda grunted once they were in the younger Jedi’s quarters. The Korun silently took the other to the couch to do as told, carefully helping him out of his tunic to get to the injury. Obi-Wan hissed a bit as dried blood had glued the fabric to the wound before relaxing when it was gone, watching Mace.

“You did well, considering you’ve been at the droids for five hours before you got injured.” He murmured while resting his hand above the slice on the others chest.

“Thank you…but don’t praise me. I hate this. I hate how I am. I…and I know I shouldn’t be hating anything.” Obi-Wan looked away.

“…You’re still you. You’re back in control of your emotions for now. Like Yoda said, we won’t leave you like this Obi-Wan. You are one of our most promising members.” Mace looked up and then leaned in a bit, Obi-Wan’s breath stuttering in his chest.

“More tea you need to buy Obi-Wan.” Yoda called out from the kitchen, effectively breaking the moment.

Mace sat back and cleared his throat. “Ah. You…you should go take a trip in the fresher, clean up, get new clothes on.”

“I…yes.” Obi-Wan stood quickly, taking the soiled tunic with him with a nod to Mace before he headed to the fresher, taking a deep breath as he went. ‘Karking hell…’

In the livingroom, Mace dropped his face into his hands. ‘Great…just great Mace…’

“Move to quickly, you should not. Especially now.” Yoda cackled.

“…Please stop that. And stop teasing. This is difficult enough when he’s not Fallen.”

Yoda continued to cackle.


	4. Close the gap

Dark hands were carefully settled on his throat, Obi-Wan’s head tipped lightly back and his eyes half lidded as Mace carefully prodded at the scar beneath his chin. “Does it hurt?”

“No. Whatever else the ritual did, it at least healed the wound properly.” Obi-Wan offered quietly. “It does feel tight, like scar tissue usually does but doesn’t hamper my vocal cords or airways.” He sighed a bit and then closed his eyes fully when Mace brought healing Force to soften the tissue ever so carefully. “…Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I don’t like seeing you in pain.” The Korun let his hands linger a bit before dropping them to his lap, waiting for Obi-Wan to focus on him. “Plo may have found something to help us locate the Black library, or so he thinks but he can’t open it to make sure.”

“Oh?” Obi-Wan shifted, leaning closer with his honey colored eyes glittering with sudden emotions. Need and desperation was foremost that brushed against Mace.

“Yes, a sith holocron. He suspects it to be the apprentice of Darth Oolaga, if anyone knew the orbit of the comet, it would be them.”

Obi-Wan blinked at that before laughing quietly and nodding. “Yes, of course…but if he can’t open it, how ar-oh.” He blinked at Mace uncomfortable expression. “You’re hoping I can.”

“You…Obi-Wan, you are fallen, we’re hopeful that you can unlock the sith holocron and that we don’t need an actual sith for it. If we can get it open, then we may get the information.”

The copper haired Jedi, for he would always be a Jedi in Mace eyes, looked away, his expression twisting with a small grimace.

It made Mace heart throb with pain as he reached out without though, tucking silken strands of hair behind the others ear with tender fingers. The tender touch made Obi-Wan close his eyes before he shifted closer to him, resting his forehead against Mace shoulder. “I’m so scared…” He whispered.

“It will be alright Obi-Wan. I know it will alright.” Mace whispered into his ear, letting the other curl against him as he wrapped his arms around the smaller body.

“How can it be? I’m a karking mess, I go from anger to sadness to despair to rage in seconds.” Obi-Wan’s voice got louder as he did indeed get angry.

“It will be alright because we’re not going to let this consume you. We aren’t going to let Dooku and Ventress win.” Mace said seriously, pulling Obi-Wan fully into his lap and holding him as tightly as he could.

For a moment he hesitated but it was only him and Obi-Wan in the apartment, no Yoda to interrupt and nothing that needed tending. He shifted to cup the back of the Fallen Jedi’s head and tilt it back when someone knocked sharply on the door.

Obi-Wan jerked a bit then sighed. “Anakin’s here. He must have fixed the droids again.” He muttered, sliding out of Mace lap with reluctance.

‘How is it that even now, the galaxy wants to interrupt me…’ Mace grumbled mentally as he watched the other go.

“Anakin, wha-”

“Ventress and Dooku escaped!”

“KARK!”

()()()

“It is unfortunate that the Jedi Order was unable to keep the Count and his apprentice under lock and key.” Palpatine offered calmly as he stirred some sugar into his caf, pretending not to see Skywalker’s shoulders slump and the other two council members bristle at the veiled accusation.

However the last Jedi…

Kenobi wasn’t looking away from him.

Yellow eyes were focused on him with startling clarity and for a moment he feared that the other could look past the sith alchemy he used to hide his own state.

“Yes.” Billaba offered with more calm then her tense shoulders indicated she had. “Its most unfortunate. We will of course do everything to recapture him your excellency.”

“Of course, the Jedi order serves after all.” He smiled at them over his cup even as Anakin perked up like a praised pup, his eyes hopeful. Well, he’d have to train that out of his apprentice when the time came. Such a display of emotion was useful now since it allowed Palpatine to manipulate them but it would be less useful when the man was his apprentice.

There was several platitudes after that exchanged, each one seemed to perk Skywalker up, making him look eager and hopeful.

Yet Kenobi didn’t as much as blink, unsettling amber focused on him through the entire thing. It was a blank stare as darkness rolled through the office, slightly oppressive and Palpatine wondered if he could have a set, both Master and apprentice as his. He’d never thought he’d see a fallen Kenobi but he was…

Oh he was magnificent.

Perhaps he could have both as his enforcers.

Yes. Yes, Darth Vader and Dart Ravage…oh that sounded good. He took a sip and bowed his head gracefully to the Jedi as they bowed to excuse themselves back to the temple.

()()()

“Obi-Wan, I know you’re fallen but you were really rude back at the Senate. We need that man on our si-”

“He’s the Sith.”

Obi-Wan didn’t stop walking even as the three other froze before Anakin ran to catch up to him. “WHAT?”

“He’s the sith. He can sit there all he wants Anakin, like a spider in his net and pull his strings but I can see him now.” He twisted his lips and looked at the other. “He’s hiding beneath some kind of sith alchemy but our darling supreme chancellor, your friend, is a karking sith Anakin. So excuse me, I have some research to do.”

“Obi-Wan, listen to yourself, you ca-”

“Who benefited from Amidala calling a vote of no confidence in Finis before Naboo. Who’s pulling on the Jedi’s rights and making our jobs harder. Who do you speak to Anakin. Oh he likes that I bet, the chosen one eating out of his hand.” Obi-Wan snarled, rage rolling through the Force.

Plo gave a low noise. “Are you sure Master Obi-Wan?”

“I saw him underneath his little disguise. You can’t hide darkness from me anymore. I see every grey Jedi and ever Jedi teetering on falling.”

Plo and Billaba exchanged startled looks as the Fallen Jedi continued marching on. “You can?”

“Yes. I don’t know if its a side effect or what but I can.”

“What are you going to research?” Anakin swallowed bile down at the idea of his friend, his confidant, being the very Sith who had visited so much pain upon the Galaxy.

“Sheev Palpatine’s background and rise to power. Because a man like that doesn’t just show up. A patient spider in his net, making himself fat on power. Oh no, some evidence exists out there and I will find it while we search for my cure.”

Amber eyes glowed with emotions.


	5. Yoda is a troll

“Greetings Fallen one.” Obi-Wan pinched his lips together even as the Force around him rattled with anger.

But not rage.

He was getting better at controlling himself if only for the sake of his fellow Jedi in the council chamber around him. But the face of Darth Oolaga apprentice was enough to shake his control he had to admit as the man in front of him looked a lot like Dooku.

“Greetings. I seek information on the Black library.” Obi-Wan offered curtly.

“I see. And why should I tell you Fallen one?” The man tilted his head.

“You’ll tell me or I will smash this holocron to pieces.” Obi-Wan growled, eyes glittering in his rage that he was focusing on the other.

“Hmm, I see. Then the information will be yours. What are you looking for in specific Fallen one?”

“Its location.”

The holocron hummed a bit, floating in Obi-Wan’s palm.

“It will pass Korriban in seven months time. It will only remain in orbit for a week before it continues its journey and passes into wild space. Hunting it would be unwise Fallen one as you will either burn as it passes into wild space or be locked inside the library and starve to death.” The man gave a cruel smile. “It would amuse me if you did though.”

Obi-Wan sneered before shifting. “Is the library open, or does it need a key?”

“No key. Except for the Force being used to open it.”

“The dark side yes?” Obi-Wan offered in resignation.

“Of course. My master was a Sith.” The man sniffed and Obi-Wan snorted before closing the holocron and sitting down with a sigh.

“This is good Obi-Wan. We now have information.” Plo assured.

“If he was truthful.” The redhead muttered, rubbing his forehead.

“I detected no lie.” Billaba offered and looked around as the council members nodded in agreement to her words.

“The truth the sith gave you Obi-Wan. Information we now have and perhaps a way to reverse your state we will have.” Yoda tapped his cane. “And information on Sheev Palpatine we also have thanks to you.”

Obi-Wan sighed tiredly and dropped his head back, tipping his chin back to stare at the ciling. “I gave a copy of it over to trusted Senators. With the current view of Jedi, we can’t act against the acting Supreme Chancellor until the public view of us improves.” He grunted a bit and rubbed the scar on his throat.

“Does it hurt Obi-Wan?” Kit questioned.

“Not as much anymore. Mace has been helping me with it.” He sent a brief smile towards the Korun who nodded before tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. “…I’m so angry all the time. Its exhausting. I can’t see how Sith substances themselves like this.” He sighed. “There’s no freedom in this.” He rested his arm over his amber eyes, embracing the darkness for a bit to rest his throbbing head.

Around him the rest of the council members exchanged looks. It would still be seven months of this and perhaps longer depending on if they could find anything to reverse Obi-Wan’s state and it was starting to show on the forcefully Fallen council member.

“I don’t know how long I can take this.” Obi-Wan verbalized with his arm over his eyes, breathing out heavily.

Mace had enough and got to his feet, moving to the younger mans chair and taking his hands, looking seriously at him. “Then its a good thing you have us. We are not going to let you burn yourself away Obi-Wan. We know you are still a Jedi past this and we will not rest until your state is reversed.” He gave the others wrist a light squeeze.

“…I keep thinking this is some kind of horrid dream and I’m going to wake up back in my padawan bed the day before me and Qui-Gon are requested to go to Naboo.” Obi-Wan snorted but smiled at Mace, shifting a bit to give him a squeeze to the wrist back. “Thank you Mace.” He got up, chest brushing against the others a few seconds before he stepped back and let Obi-Wan give the others a slight bow. “If it is alright with all of you, I’m going to go to the sparring room. I need to work some of this rage out again.”

“Do so. Have tea with me later you shall.” Yoda waved his cane at Obi-Wan. “Speak to young Skywalker we shall.”

Obi-Wan nodded and then moved out of the room, his shoulders slumping a bit in dejection.

Mace watched him go before looking at Yoda. “We should let him go back to the battlefield, keeping him cooped up here is not helping him at all.”

“I agree.” Plo jumped in. “Like this, battle might be the best option for him.”

“Are we really suggesting sending Obi-Wan out as he is? He is still a Jedi but he is Fallen.” Evan argued.

“Keeping him here is helping no one.” Mace cut in. “He is still Obi-Wan Kenobi, a remarkable tactician and negotiator. Or are we ignoring that in favor of his Fallen state? His emotions are not his own but taking them out on the Separatist droids might be the best option.”

“And if it does not remain just the droids, if he attacks someone else and the public catches wind of it?” Yarael questioned.

“Does anyone really think Obi-Wan would do that?”

There was a quiet then Yoda tapped his cane on his chair. “Send Obi-Wan out we should. Trapped like a bird in the temple he is, frazzled he becomes, more anger he does not need. Let him fight, let him win and let him help people we should.”

There was several nods, though some of them were a bit hesitant.

But the grandmaster of the order had spoken.

Obi-Wan was going to be sent back out with his men.

“But some changes to be done, another Jedi with him there should always be.” Yoda amended and there were a few relieved sigh.

“I’ll go. Obi-Wan knows I trust him even now. It will do him some good in his current mental state.” Mace offered.

Yoda gave him a mischievous look at that. “Time for dates there will not be.”

Mace started to nod before startling and cursing. “Damn it Yoda!”

He cackled and the other members hid small snorts and laughs with coughs.

“Snogging perhaps though.”

“YODA!”


	6. Just blow them up

“I could just blow them up.” Obi-Wan growled, eyes narrowed as they eyed the CIS stronghold. “Wouldn’t take me to long actually.”

“Obi-Wan.” Mace offered calmly, resting his hand on the others back.

“…Deep breaths?”

“Deep breaths.” Mace nodded and the redhead slowly did so, closing his eyes as he did.

Oh Mace really missed the others deep green eyes and he tried not to let his disappointment show most days. Good thing he knew how to keep himself covered and keep things suppressed. ‘Six more months until the library can be found…’ He thought to himself.

The other Jedi opened his eyes and grunted, crossing his arms over his chest. “Alright, I’m calmer now.”

“Good, you never know if there’s hostages there. Or those unwillingly working for the CSI.” Mace continued keeping his hand on the others back, feeling Obi-Wan lean back into it. He gave into temptation and rubbed slowly and gently, quite aware of the clones keeping an eye on them and never missing a word or a movement.

It was nice to know that Obi-Wan’s troopers were protective of him but Mace was not the enemy!

“You’re right. Of course you’re right. That’s why you’re here to make sure I don’t do something terrible.” Obi-Wan sighed, shoulders slumping a bit. “Anger makes it hard to think logical.”

“Well, that’s why we are here Obi-Wan.” Skywalker offered behind them and Mace removed his hand from the younger Jedi’s back, turning to nod at the other.

Skywalker nodded back.

Mace still didn’t trust him but they had managed to come to a consensus. Perhaps working close to the other through the next few months, they could both find a middle ground?

Mace hoped so if only because he knew that Anakin Skywalker was important to Obi-Wan.

()()()

Hissing sharply, Obi-Wan closed his eyes so he wouldn’t start glaring at Helix. He was only doing his duty and cleaning out a damn wound he himself managed to inflict while destroying droids! Glaring at Helix would solve nothing except put the clone medic in unease.

‘Calm. Keep calm. These are your men, they’re trying to help you…’ He reminded himself sharply while digging his nails into his palm even as Helix continued working on the wound on his upper arm.

“General?”

He opened his eyes at the voice and looked to the side where Longshot was holding a cup in hand. “Tea?”

“I, yes that sounds good, thank you Longshot.” He accepted it as carefully as he could, taking a trying sip before slowly taking in more.

“…You know we don’t blame you sir, right?” The Fallen looked up quickly at that, yellow eyes meeting amber. And the clone didn’t flinch. So many Jedi did when meeting his gaze now.

“We don’t blame you for your state. We know you’re struggling and can’t quite control your reactions. If there’s anything we can do…” He let the words linger in the air, Longshot looking at him hopefully.

Obi-Wan blinked then gave a small laugh. It was hollow.

“No, no Longshot but…thank you. It…brings me a measure of comfort to hear that.” And to see how they reacted to him.

Body language as they leaned towards him instead of away, kept their eyes on him, trusted him…

That was doing more for Obi-Wan’s state of mind then the feeble meditations he reached for these days as rage he couldn’t explain came from no where and clouded his calm and his mind.

“Well then sir, hopefully we can continue to be just what you need.” Longshot smiled before nodding. “I’ll give Helix report to Cody, he’ll want to know your situation.”

“Of course.” Obi-Wan nodded and then snorted when Mace stepped into the tent, letting Longshot past him as the Korun made his way over to the redhead. “Mace.”

“Obi-Wan, are you alright?”

“Minor shuffle, its just a flesh wound, bleeds like hell. Helix has cleaned it out and is applying a bacta patch.” Obi-Wan waved it off and took another sip of tea. Mace nodded at that. “Then you’re good to go back to your tent, I wanted to speak with you about some of the information we managed to slice from the computer.”

“Of course.” Obi-Wan looked to Helix who slipped the patch on and nodded. “I’ll need a clean tunic.” He sighed a bit, suppressing the brief spike of rage he felt at his tunic being torn before getting up and following after Mace towards his tent with his tea.

He set the cup down on a spindly table in his tent. “Now what did yo-”

Hands wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him forward, lips pressing against his and for a moment Obi-Wan froze in surprise before wrapping his arms back around Mace in turn, pulling him closer to him.

He’d be stupid not to notice the interest.

And right now…he felt no shame in giving in for his own wants.

When air became an issue, Mace pulled back, staring down at him. “…Not exactly slicing but…information much the same, yes?”

Obi-Wan let out a slight laugh, hands cupping the back of Mace neck. “Indeed.”

Mace slowly moved his hands to stroke over the letters on Obi-Wan’s forehead and over the scar tissue of his throat before sighing. “I’ve wanted to do that for many months, I’m unsure if this is the right time. I worry that if you were in your right mind, you would have shown me away.”

Rage spiked in his stomach and Obi-Wan struggled to swallow it down before tugging Mace head enough down to settle his forehead against the others. “Please listen to me now Mace, if only so I can have hope for the future. I like you, I like you a lot. I have for a long time. You are more then likely right that I would have felt some guilt at giving in for it but I refuse to deny myself some happiness now. Please listen to me when I say I want this.”

He trembled a bit, from fright and hope and need.

Mace slid his arms down and around Obi-Wan’s waist, holding him close. “Perhaps…we can keep it a light relationship?” He squeezed the others waist pointedly.

“Light dates? Light kisses?” Obi-Wan raised his brows.

“And see where it goes.” Mace nodded.

Obi-Wan mulled on that before nodding, feeling a spark of happiness inside himself before he rested his head on Mace chest, taking a deep breath as he let himself be held.


	7. Worst kept secret

“You have a terrible timing.” Obi-Wan glared at Mace, his lips pinched together as he pulled the other to his feet and pulled him close, hands checking over him quickly. “Terrible timing I say.” He growled, yellow eyes glittering until Mace hands found his chin and made him look up at him.

“I’m fine Obi-Wan, nothing has happened to me.” The Korun assured.

“Nothing? Your tunics have blood on it, what the fuck did Ventress do to yo-”

“Obi-Wan, calm down, calm down I’m fine, nothing I can’t fix.” Mace once again spoke up and sighed when it was clear Obi-Wan wasn’t listening to him. “Obi-Wa-”

Strong hands pulled him down into a deep and desperate kiss, Obi-Wan giving a little growl against his lips.

It was easier to go with it since it was clear that Obi-Wan’s emotions were threatening to eat him but he promised himself later that he was going to damn well talk to the othe-

“Are we re-OBI-WAN!?”

Both drew back when Skywalker yelled out and Obi-Wan groaned sharply.

“The ONE time I act on things and you barge in! Really Anakin!? Do I do that when you’re with Padme?! I mean honestly you two had Force damned sex on my bunk once!”

The blonds jaw was dropping.

“Obi-Wan, we’ve all almost caught them, calm down.” Mace tried, inwardly snorting when Anakin’s jaw dropped more.

Honestly did they think they were discreet?

Well Amidala usually was but she got a bit reckless around Skywalker.

“But I fina-”  
“We can talk about this back at camp.” Mace assured, resting his hands on Obi-Wan’s shoulders, watching the other Jedi visibly pull himself together and calm down.

“Promise?” Obi-Wan growled out, lips pressed together.

“Promise.” Mace leaned in and pressed his lips to the others forehead. “But Skywalker is right, we need to leave this facility.”

“Fine. But I’m going to yell at you Anakin. Honestly, I was getting…” Obi-Wan stomped away, muttering as he passed the blond who was still gaping at Mace.

Mace raised a brow at him then smirked. “Yes, we knew. Worst kept secret in the Order Skywalker.” He headed after Obi-Wan even as the blond squeaked.

()()()

“Shhh, its alright Obi-Wan, its alright.” Mace murmured, slowly stroking the fragile skin beneath the others eyes with his thumbs, hands cupping the bearded cheeks.

“Is it? What if I’m ruined beyond repair after all of this?” He whispered back, eyes closed as he pushed into the others hands. “I don’t know what’s happening with me Mace. I don’t know what kind of lasting impact this does to me. Being out there helps but…Mace… what if I can’t control myself if we find a way to help me?” He opened his eyes enough to look at the other.

“We will. Obi-Wan none of us are going to let you rot. We are going to help you, we will help you.” The Council master assured. “If you have trouble after we remove this from you.” He lifted his hand to brush the letters of Obi-Wan’s forehead. “Then Yoda will help you meditate and so will I.”

The two stared at each other before Obi-Wan pushed forward until he could press his face into the others chest.

Mace wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back slowly. “You’ll be alright. We’ll be here for you.”

“…Four more months until the library is accessible Mace. Four more months of this…I don’t know…”

Mace started to rub circles on the others back, murmuring quiet words into the others ears. “You can do this, I know you can because I know you Obi-Wan. And if you can’t then you have me and you have Skywalker and you have the whole Council.”


	8. Something good

“Obi-Wan I know that he’s not your favorite person but you can’t just cancel the invites!” Mace ran his hand over his scalp, staring at the other man.

“He’s a fucking war mongering Sith asshole and I don’t have to do anything he want me to do.” Obi-Wan countered, pacing back and forth.

“Its dinner Obi-Wan.”

“He wants to turn me to his side!” He snapped. “And I don’t know what he can do to me in this state. If he can infect my mind somehow!”

Warm hands cupped his shoulders and gave the Fallen Jedi a slight shake. “Obi-Wan, we won’t let him.” Mace offered firmly.

“He wants Anakin and now he wants me too, because I’m already Fallen. I have no idea what his plans for us are but he wants me on his si-”

Warm lips invaded his space and Obi-Wan had a second to think about struggling before he melted, wrapping his arms around Mace shoulders and clinging to the other man as tightly as he could, making a low mewling noise in the back of his throat.

The kiss might have gone somewhere if there hadn’t been a pointed cough behind them.

“Um, I’m sorry but we’re still here you know.”

Obi-Wan grumbled and pulled away from the kiss, looking at Anakin and Ahsoka with a sulky look on his face. “Yes, yes you two are.” He grumbled before melting when Mace wrapped his arms around him and tugged him into a hug instead.

“I still can’t get over that.” Anakin shook his head but he was smiling a bit.

“You know Master Obi-Wan, another Jedi could come with to this dinner thing the Chancellor wants.” Ahsoka pointed out.

“I’d rather not be around him at all.” Obi-Wan grumbled out, making a low noise when Mace placed a careful hand on his throat, soft Force healing working at the stiff scar. “I don’t want him to know we know. The Senators I gave evidence to are still working on calling in a vote of no confidence and once his reputation has been dismantled he can be put on court.”

An awkward kind of silence filled the room.

“…I’m sorry Anakin.”

“Don’t.” The blond sighed, dropping his face in his hands. “Don’t. I shouldn’t…I thought he was my friend. And then this comes out and…I don’t know what to feel.”

“You could hate him.” Obi-Wan suggested and Mace gave a low growl. “What he could. As long as he doesn’t follow the path of acting on it. Anger is exhausting, but it can be cleansing. He could also cry, tears are a good way to clear up things.”

“Obi-Wan.” Mace sighed and turned the other against his chest, stroking his spine slowly.

“Oh come on. Meditation doesn’t work like that for Anakin, meditation is stressing for him unless its shared and I can’t do that right now. He hears to much, feels to much, sees to much.” Obi-Wan grumbled.

Mace raised a brow at that and looked at Anakin who was staring at the window, a bit embarrassed. “Indeed?”

“…Obi-Wan says my strength makes it hard for me to still my mind and let go of my emotions into the Force. He usually helped me when we meditated even as a senior padawan.” He confessed. “On my own I generally spar or work with mechanic parts, its easier, makes my mind go quiet.”

“I see.” Mace pondered on that before carefully separating himself from Obi-Wan and offering his hands to Anakin instead. “Perhaps you’ll accept my help to meditate then?”

The two stared at each other before blue eyes fell on the dark hands offered to him.

An olive branch.

An offer to understand.

An offer to work together.

Anakin took the hands slowly. “Sure. Mind if we use your meditation mat Obi-Wan?”

“Go ahead, I’ll make tea.” Obi-Wan waved them off and made his way to the kitchen, putting on the kettle as Mace and Anakin made their way to the meditation mat and settled down together.

‘Two more months…’ He took a deep breath, his fury evaporating into tired grief before he quirked a small smile as he watched Anakin and Mace. ‘At least something good may have come from this.’ He caught Ahsoka’s eyes and the two smiled at each other before the Togruta got up and moved to Obi-Wan’s side, wrapping him in a half hug.

‘Something good…’


	9. The moving comet

Admittedly being on a moving comet to open a library is one of the stranger missions Anakin has taken part of but knowing it may help Obi-Wan makes him follow behind the three Jedi on the comet with him, troopers following up behind him again.

Yoda had opted to come along just in case with Mace and Obi-Wan and him.

Ahsoka was still on the Resolute should something happen along with half of the troopers and Captain Rex.

Obi-Wan had Cody and half of his men with him and yellow and blood lined eyes were sparkling with rage even as he closed in on the temple.

Force Obi-Wan was more and more looking like a ghost these last months, paced like a caged Malestron tiger, batted at his bars and raged unlike anything Anakin had ever seen.

He wasn’t afraid of his master though, he was afraid for him.

The man was clearly losing his last shreds.

Becoming gaunt and drawn and worn and his mental states were so fragile that everyone knew that if they couldn’t find something to reverse his state in the library, that this would be it for Obi-Wan, they would lose him to the dark side he had been subjected to.

Insanity and the dark side.

Even Mace and Yoda’s worry for Obi-Wan was getting obvious by this point.

The Korun in question rested a hand lightly on the small of his…well boyfriend was the best word for it, though Anakin felt it inadequate to the level of emotion the two shared.

But lovers weren’t right either, not yet.

And certainly not bondmates.

So it was the only word left for him to use.

Anakin could feel the Force from the dark skinned man, lightly used to strengthen Obi-Wan as they moved towards the imposing black building. ‘Guess the name wasn’t just in use because of the knowledge it contained.’ Anakin thought dryly.

“Force what is this even built of.” Mace verbalized what Anakin had been thinking, eyeing the building with contempt. “You can FEEL the darkside from even the stone.”

“I don’t care what its made of. I want to get in and find what we need.” Obi-Wan growled before giving a tired grunt. “I just…” He took a deep breath before pulling from the hand Mace had on him, his gait turning brisk as he approached the imposing black doors.

He waited for the others to catch up to him though, Yoda giving a low grunt as he tapped at the wall with his cane before the old goblin gave a nod to Obi-Wan. “Open it you need to, inside we have to go, less then a week we have to find what we need.”

“Or into wild space it goes, with us.” Obi-Wan nodded in understanding. He remembered the information Darth Oolaga’s apprentice had given them and the gleeful warning of doom should they be locked in the library.

Obi-Wan grumbled and gathered both rage and Force, letting it fill him before he pushed at the doors, gritting his teeth as they refused to budge for a moment before he finally managed to press them open, the sound of creaking hinges screaming into the air as stale air pressed out against them, dust whirling out around them which caused Obi-Wan to choke and cough for a few moments, the others either wearing helmet or shielded by him.

And then all they see is darkness.

The darkness inside the library is as overwhelming as the buildings outside.

Until Obi-Wan makes an annoyed noise and waves his hands, the Jedi feeling him bring the dark side to power once again.

Blue flames light up long abandoned torches and bowls of coals, light shining around the library once more for the first time in many generations.

“In a Sith library we are now.” Yoda offered grimly. “Answers to the ritual we may find here. Spread up we will and search.” He breathed out.

“May the Force be with us.” Mace growled, looking around, feeling the long dead eyes of sith on them as they moved into the obsidian dark stone that seemed to swallow light instead of reflect it.

“And any gods or goddesses we believe in.” Anakin added in a quiet mutter.

His skin was crawling.

But Obi-Wan continued straight forward into the isles, back ramrod straight and gait never hesitating.

Anakin moved to follow when Mace caught his shoulder. “Leave him be. He needs a moment.” The Korun whispered. “He’s been so worried.” He added when he saw Anakin preparing to protest. “I think he’s losing hope and actually being here is…”

“He’s scared.” Anakin finished the sentence.

Between the isles of long rotted away scrolls and abandoned holocrons, Obi-Wan leaned against the shelve, pressing a shaking hand to his face as his legs trembled until he slid down to sit on the dusty floor. ‘Please Force…please I need answers…I can’t do this much longer…I am so tired of being angry and upset and rageful…’


	10. Blackness

Burning.

He was burning.

There was no other word for what was happening to Obi-Wan and he coiled himself into a fetal position with a pitiful cry of pain, no other noise able to escape his throat for all his locked muscles.

Oh Force it hurt so bad, it felt like he was being pulled apart in every direction.

Up, down, to every side and there was nothing Obi-Wan could do to save himself as he was being pulled from the inside out.

Faintly he could hear Anakin calling out for him.

Could hear Mace.

And beyond that he could hear Qui-Gon. Telling him to go back, that it was not time yet.

_Go back Obi-Wan._

()()()

One of the scrolls had given them the solution or so they hoped, the black library already far gone into Wild space.

Mace and Yoda had been studying its contents, the Korun’s hands gentle with the fragile plant fiber material that was crumbling at too rough a touch.

Obi-Wan had meanwhile tried to meditate, had sparred with the droids and Anakin, feeling like he was about to burst out of his skin any day if they didn’t do something soon. He doesn’t say it but its clear from the way other Jedi are watching him that they are expecting him to fall apart any day now.

Hell, Obi-Wan feels like he’s about to fall apart any day now.

And then he gets called up to the council chamber.

There’s candles in it and a pentagram drawn on the floor in a black sticky substance and it reminds him of what Ventress had drawn though not quite.

For a long moment all he can do is stare at it before he looks to Yoda. “…Really?”

“Only thing that can help. A ritual it is, to create you and to remove.” Yoda tapped his cane against his lap before gesturing to Plo with it. “Plo lead will, lend him our strength we shall. Willingly enter the circle you must however and kneel in the middle.”

Glowering a bit, a spike of rage and fear rolling through him, Obi-Wan slowly does as told and settles down, scowling at them. “This better work.”

“Peace Obi-Wan, we will do our best.” Plo assured and Mace caught his loves eyes, assuring him with his eyes that he was there.

They all knew what was at risk here.

This would be their only chance to help Obi-Wan.

Anakin moved to Plo’s side, wordlessly offering up the Force he commanded to bolster the kel dor.

A deep breath and then Plo started, reciting the old words of a forgotten tongue, the Force building up in the chamber, itching along everyone’s spine and raising the hair at the back of everyone’s neck.

Nothing happened, Obi-Wan felt despair settle in.

And then he suddenly lurched forward, hands holding him up as he gasped for air, pain lacing his spine as the Force dug into him.

“Obi-Wan…” Mace rumbled, worried before everyone jerked to as a black, tar like substance started to spew from Obi-Wan’s mouth, the Fallen Jedi crying out when he could, screaming in pure blood chilling pain.

Headless of the mess that had come form his mouth, Obi-Wan collapsed, curling into a fetal position between the symbols as he continued to scream, more back tar like substance coming from his mouth as tears rolled down his face as Plo continued chanting.

And then he went silent as Plo ended, the Force falling mute around them.

Shaking, Mace moved to the circle towards Obi-Wan, fearing that they might have killed the younger Jedi and knelt down beside him.

Turning the shaking man onto his back, Mace ignored the black tar coating his robes as he desperately touched Obi-Wan’s cheek, relief in his veins as he felt a warm living person, the redhead drawing snapping and shaking breaths of air into his lungs. “…Obi-Wan?” Mace whispered to the Fallen Jedi.

There was a breathless moment of suspense.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, greeting Mace with the deep green color that had been missing for so many months.

The Korun breathed out in shock then laughed shakily. “It worked…” He stroked the others cheek and then wiped away the thin line of tar at the corner of Obi-Wan’s mouth. “Oh Force…”

Carefully he pulled Obi-Wan up and settled him against Mace shoulder, wiping away the tears that was mingled into the mans beard as Ali toed the tar like substance. “…We need to have this destructed, Force knows what this is.” She murmured before moving around to look at Obi-Wan’s face, watching as the black letters faded away to grey and then to a white scar like tissue against Obi-Wan’s skin. Smiling, she reached out and touched his knee. “But welcome back Obi-Wan.”

Anakin dropped down, as uncaring as Mace about the black goo as he threw his arms around the still shaking redhead, murmuring his own relief into Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

Obi-Wan rasped out a word then grinned weakly, just settled.

He would need time to recover, but for now he’d enjoy the warmth of his fellow Jedi. Just for now.


	11. Aftermath

There were fissures in Obi-Wan’s mind and soul.

Obi-Wan’s stint as a Fallen had left permanent scars on both his soul and mind but it had also left fissures that would never properly heal, its side effects meaning that Obi-Wan sometimes lost grasp on where he was and _when_.

There had been moments Mace had entered his quarters to find Obi-Wan sitting against a wall with his face in his knees, shaking and hiccuping for air as he tried to make sense of a galaxy without Qui-Gon Jinn.

Other times he had discovered Obi-Wan twisting his hands over his hair, wondering in concern where his padawan was, the redhead thinking Anakin was still eleven.

The states didn’t last long luckily, at least not as long as someone came to Obi-Wan’s rescue but for someone who had once been so mentally strong, it was terrible to see.

Mace knew that Obi-Wan had taken pride in his ability to manage his mental self even when his physical self had been damaged and now Obi-Wan had days where he thought he was back with Qui-Gon, still the mans padawan and the long haired gundark was still alive.

To see Obi-Wan’s face crumble each time he realized Qui-Gon was dead…

It was heart breaking for Mace.

But Che had come with a solution.

The healers had temple based therapy animals.

And Obi-Wan had been provided with one of them, an anooba with a mellow temper that would quietly rub itself against Obi-Wan’s hip or hand to remind him where he was and what he was doing when the redhead lost his way.

It was an honest relief for Mace, made it easier to leave Obi-Wan behind unless they were both going to the council chamber together.

The white shaded with gray strips anooba followed Obi-Wan everywhere, sometimes with Obi-Wan’s hand resting on its rugged mane that ran along its back in an obvious grounding move that Mace couldn’t bring himself to begrudge when Obi-Wan was so lost at times.

He wasn’t quite sure what to make of its name though.

Squeak was an odd choice for such a fearsome predator animal.

When he’d said it, Che had outright laughed, her lekkus twitching as she explained the younglings had named all of the therapy animals and that was why some of them had the oddest of names.

Squeak, Blubber, Caff and Mini may be the oddest one so far that Mace had heard.

But Squeak had also bonded to Obi-Wan with the younger Jedi master laughing as the large animal nuzzled at him gently.

Compared to the mental issues Obi-Wan was left with, the scars around his throat and over his forehead were the least of his issues though the former did sometimes make it hard for Obi-Wan to speak for lengths of time.

But the scars of his throat would soften with time.

Mace was sure of it.

But the gaps in Obi-Wan’s soul and mind also meant that he couldn’t leave the temple for war, at least not yet. If he lost himself in the middle of a battle then Obi-Wan would be lost to them and Mace…

Well Mace was grateful that they didn’t just sacrifice their members in vain attempts that wouldn’t gain them anything.

Everyone agreed that sending Obi-Wan out would be a major loss as there was a sever doubt that Obi-Wan would manage to keep himself safe should he have one of his episodes and lose himself.

So he remained in the temple, working through information that his keen mind when it was there could analyze and work over.

Which was doing them all a world of good, as long as Squeak kept Obi-Wan grounded, Obi-Wan could target pattern in the Separatists battle tactics and find information that prior had been overlooked by tired minds.

They were at war and no one could really rest properly… but Obi-Wan would recover, that much Mace was certain of.


	12. Managing

Skidding around the corner and trying not to make it look like he was, Mace licked his lips. Requirements of the war had demanded that he leave the temple for a full month and neither Mace or Obi-Wan had enjoyed that idea but had as Jedi allowed the separation of them.

But Mace worried.

He knew that Skywalker would be out of the temple too with young padawan Tano, leaving Obi-Wan for the most part alone with Squeak unless others could spare time for the recovering and damaged young man.

There were a few of course.

Kolar had needed time to recover from having his entire femur shattered and Jocasta was always up for a friendly conversation with Obi-Wan as she was not going to hold a grudge against a man so obviously damaged.

Every Force sensitive with any measure at being able to read auras could feel the chasms in Obi-Wan’s soul and mind.

And visually there was some times when Obi-Wan’s eyes would grow glassy and distant, no longer in the moment but somewhere far away that Mace couldn’t even start to imagine.

Obi-Wan was always so confused when he returned from those moments.

Time had passed by him without him realizing it and he couldn’t tell others where he was.

A soul healer had suggested that Obi-Wan was being submerged by the Force in a manner, the Force naturally trying to heal Obi-Wan but just…

Not managing.

Not sentient or aware enough to really heal him.

But that was just a theory that no one could prove or disprove.

All they knew for sure was that physical contact with others helped Obi-Wan stay in the moment.

But that was little comfort for the Korun at this moment as he desperately prayed to the Force that no one needed him right this moment or tried to stop him as he just wanted to get to his quarters where Obi-Wan was suppose to be.

With no little relief shielded behind a serene face, Mace slapped his hand onto the scanner to let himself into the quarters. A mixed and familiar scent instantly reached out to him, the mix of anooba, tea, incense spices… and _Obi-Wan_.

Obi-Wan laying on his side on the couch of the quarters in a set of the fuzzy tantaun socks Tano had gotten for him with Mace robe as a blanket, Squeak resting in the little curve of Obi-Wan’s bent legs with his head on the mans hip.

Shoulders lowering from the tense position he felt he had been keeping them in since he left the temple, Mace just watched the other for a long few minutes as he reached out to the fuzzy presence that was Obi-Wan asleep.

Squeak raised his head after a few moments, giving a bone cracking yawn before carefully nosing at Obi-Wan’s side with his cold snout and then moving off the couch.

The move woke Obi-Wan of course and Mace was treated to the redhead straining into consciousness, yawning sleepily and lifting his head off the pillow he had been snuggling with Mace robe falling down around his hips as he sat up. “Squeak?” He gave a sleep husky mumble before noticing Mace, perking up. “Mace!” He stumbled to his feet, around the caff table and right into Mace arms, the two clinging to each other for a few long moments. “…You’re home.” He whispered happily.

“I’m home little love.” Mace greeted softly, tilting the others head up to claim a soft kiss.

He was home for now, this moment with a galaxy in war was just for them.


	13. How it ends

Tucking the covers around Mace with care, Obi-Wan gave the other a tired smile before he slowly pushed himself up, rubbing his throat scare gingerly as he made his way out into the main parts of the quarters as his bladder was screaming at him.

Once relieved, he went to the kitchen to start on some fruit porridge, watching the sun rise slowly over Coruscant.

From his kitchen, he could see the smoke still rising from the Senate even now, days later.

Obi-Wan’s warnings about Palpatine had been lingering in everyone even as Obi-Wan recovered from his unwilling Fall, his soul and mind healing still going even as Anakin had been forced into a corner by the man and had to make a decision.

Blessedly, Anakin had come to Obi-Wan.

Had told him what the man was planning, what was going on which meant that things could be dealt with. The council had been able to confront the chancellor for the betrayal towards the Republic.

Not that it had been easy.

Plo would never be able to leave Coruscant without assistance though the Wolfpack was more than happy to help their Jedi. Eeth had lost his life while Saesee had lost one of his horns and his gaze to Palpatine’s saber and Mace…

Obi-Wan glanced towards the bedroom door.

Mace had lost both his arms.

Anakin had been the only one to come out of it physically unscratched.

But spiritually?

Obi-Wan had never seen his padawan like this.

He’d switch between bouts of rage and depression like the switch of a lever, the healers had explained that it was Palpatine’s fault, the Sith having sunk his claws into Anakin’s mind and without the man around, the tethers were gone.

And Obi-Wan couldn’t tether Anakin either in his current state so it was a struggle to help Anakin find balance again.

And then the babies had been born.

Force hadn’t that been something.

Luke and Leia had been born a month too early according to Padme, thanks to the stress they were all going through currently but their birth had tethered something in Anakin. It wasn’t a magical healing, Anakin would need much recovery just like the others who had faced and lived past Palpatine but the babies were doing things to him that helped.

And the temple would still offer him help should Anakin decide that he could not be a Jedi anymore.

Which was frankly still up in the air sadly enough, the council just had too much to do to think over it right at that moment but Obi-Wan knew it was coming, either Anakin would make a choice or the Council would finally come to the conclusion of what to do.

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure which he wished for.

On one hand he wanted Anakin by his side, still Jedi, both able to help people once they were healthy again. But on the other hand… Anakin was married, Anakin had a family and he had a chance to be happy outside the Order.

Regardless, Obi-Wan would be happy for Anakin with whatever the blond chose as long as the young knight was happy.

There was a soft huff that distracted him from his thoughts and that was Obi-Wan’s only warning before a chest contacted with his back and two upper arms rested along Obi-Wan’s sides as much as they could. A warm nose settled into his neck. “You weren’t in bed.” Mace rumbled against his skin.

“Breakfast.” Obi-Wan murmured back, petting gently at one of the stumps. “Healers told me to have you eat light today before they try connecting the new arms. And Anakin advised porridge in case you throw up since that’s supposedly easier.” He pulled the pot of the heat so he could turn around, smiling up at Mace.

The Korun grimaced but nodded, he was not a man fond of porridge but it was clear he wasn’t going to complain. “Help me change into my tunics or eat first?” He questioned resignedly.

“Eat while its warm, then change love.” Obi-Wan kissed him on the lips, avoiding going too deep for the morning breath. Then he guided the other to the table and pushed him into a seat, moving back to the cupboard to bring out a big bowl for them to share.

Without his arms, Mace had been resigned to needing help with basic things, like eating and cleaning.

It was made more bearable by Obi-Wan taking over the moment Mace was healed enough to leave the Halls but he was looking forward to the prosthetic.

Returning to the table, Obi-Wan settled the bowl down only to stop when the other settled his arm on Obi-Wan’s hip, the redhead blinked down at his lover who peered back before Mace smiled softly. “We made it.” He murmured, causing Obi-Wan to blink harder. “We’re still alive.” He added.

“…Oh.” Obi-Wan swallowed before smiling too. “We made it.” He agreed quietly.

Heaven or hell, they were still alive.

What more could they wish for than that.


End file.
